Okay, I recommend having about a year to plan your wedding. The less time you have, the more stress you can expect. The more time you have, the longer you can procrastinate! Now there are hundreds of different styles of weddings, but here is the wedding checklist that I followed. I also chose a "traditional" style wedding with 200 guests, buffet, etc.
10–12 Months To Go…
- Develop a budget and decide where you want to spend your money and where you want to save your money.
- Before you can really start budgeting, you have to figure out where this money is coming from. This is a difficult decision and will be the determining factor on the type of wedding you can and are willing to have. I was lucky that my in-laws decided to pay for the whole thing. If someone else is paying for your wedding, you are somewhat a slave to their ideas, decisions, and opinions. It is hard to ask people for money, but this would be a good time to sit down with close relatives and start asking for help. Either with straight up cash donations from your parents or grandparents, etc. or for element decision + payment. For example, my sister wanted to be a huge part of my wedding, so I told her she could decorate the whole thing! Now I had the creative idea, and she went off with it. She bought all the centerpieces and small decorations that went into my entire wedding. I also gave her creative freedom because I am terrible at design. But it saved hundreds of dollars! Once you have an idea on where the money is coming from, you should determine the kind of budget you are looking at. WEDDINGS ARE EXPENSIVE. Overall, my in-laws paid $15,000, not including the cost my sister spent or what I spent on other goodies, that I didn't include in this total. Also think about what is the most important to you. Is having the perfect venue the most important? Or the perfect flowers? Or the perfect food/alcohol combo? Deciding where you want to indulge and where you want to save is important in designing your budget.
- Start researching some ideas on Pintrest, Google Images, and wedding websites for color styles and wedding themes.
- Keep in mind, almost every idea has been done. Weddings are cliche! It is okay if your colors are the same as someone you know, or if you have the same flowers, or if you have the same venue. It happens and it is not something you should stress about. Ultimately, you see about your wedding reflecting your personality and it won't be the same as everyone else. Our biggest concern was our guests having the time of their lives! So our wedding was casual from the get go. Cheap food, LOTS of alcohol, lively, excellent music, etc. This is the time when you should get an idea of the type of wedding you want. Casual or classy, modern or boho chic, outdoor or indoor or a little bit of both, plated dinner or buffet, color schemes, the time of the year, the time of the day, etc. Thinking about what you want is important when you start to visit venues. These choices will change! It happens and you don't need to be married to every idea, but its okay if you are married to some of the ideas. It is your wedding and the most important thing to remember is YOUR HAPPINESS is the most important. Also, be sure to include your groom into these decisions. It is his wedding too and he may want some say in colors, food, alcohol, time of day, style of wedding. You want him to be happy too.
- Compile your first draft guest list
- Guest count is important in choosing a venue. I always start with every family member you can think of on both sides of the wedding party, including family friends. Then start thinking about friends to invite. Don't forget to include yourself in your guest list. I used an excel spreadsheet for this. Make a first count. Then see how many you have. We started with 350 guests, and with that guest count, food+alcohol+cost of the venue was WAY out of our budget. Then we began to make some cuts. First thing we did was cut out guests, which wasn't very popular but it cut out about 100 of our guests. Then we started to remove some people that we either didn't want at our wedding, or weren't THAT important to us. This is surprisingly difficult and it makes all the emotions come up. Also keep in mind that this guest list might change between now and the time that you actually send out your invitations. You make make some new friends or lose some old ones. But it is a good start. Also keep in mind, people like to bring +1, whether they are invited to do so or not. Depending on how many guests you have, I like to think adding 25% more for the accidental +1 is a good idea.)
- Choose your wedding party—who do you want by your side at the altar?
- Maid of Honor- Now you may want to choose your best friend, but consider family as well. The duty of a Maid of Honor is not only expensive, but taxing. They can be your go to for any disasters on the wedding day and you want to choose someone who is responsible. They are also the ones that plan your Bachelorette party and sometimes your Bridal Shower as well. This one was easy for me, my sister is almost more neurotic than I am, and she was on top of everything.
- Bridesmaids&Groomsmen: When choosing who they are and how many, think about who will be willing to make the investment of time and money to be there for you. Also consider who you want in your wedding photos 20 years from now. Everyone gets offended, but it is your day, keep that in mind.)
- Best Man- Same scenario for the Maid of Honor, the Best Man has some responsibilities. Keeping the other groomsmen in line, making sure everyone gets their tuxes, holding the rings, planning the Bachelor party, and providing after-wedding transportation.
- Research a venue for the ceremony and reception, and reserve your date (typically 25% is required to book a date)
- Important things to remember regarding venues: Does it have enough parking? Is it completely indoor or completely outdoor or both? What do you expect the weather to be like? If the weather is poor, do you have a backup plan? What is included with the venue? What are additional service? How any hours do you have the venue for? Can you set up the day before? Will there be any staff included to assist with parking or day of planning? What is their alcohol policy? Do they require you to use their vendors? Do they provide alcohol or food or are you required to provide that?
- Think about wedding insurance. Check with your venue about what their insurance provides and what additional coverage you need. Also an alcohol license.
- MOST PLACES REQUIRE - I waited until the week before the wedding before I purchased
- Once the date is set, start with save the dates. Many like to do save the date cards using photos from their engagement shoot.
- I chose not to have save the dates but to send out my invitations early, mainly to save on postage and invitations, though these do not cost as much as some websites claim. It is also a technological age, email and the internet is a free and versatile service
- Bridal shows and trunk fairs are a great way to scope out dresses, though there are typically boutiques in your area as well.
- Accessories can wait until the wedding gets closer, but keep in mind the style you want. Dress is the most important. It typically takes about 6 months to get a wedding dress in, unless they only sell styles that are in store, which is pretty uncommon. Don't feel obligated to buy a dress because of someone else. Remember, this is your day and you should love the way you feel. This is where I splurged. My dress was $2000 not including alterations, accessories, cleaning, pressing, etc. I knew that I wanted to look as beautiful as possible. I also tried on about 30 dresses before I found the right one. I also recommend not taking too many people to trying dresses on because they could influence your decision. I took a friend on one and my mom on the other few decisions. That way I had someones opinion but my voice was the one that shined. You know more than anyone how you look and feel in a dress. Trust your instinct. Also remember, no matter what dress you purchase, you will be spending a little bit more to get it fitted to you (a few months before the wedding). Most places require at least 50% of the dress cost in to place the initial order.
- If the thought of planning your own wedding scares or stresses you out, contact a Wedding Planner to assist you.
- They offer planners for a few weeks before, or the entire time, or the day of. Planners can be very expensive, however, so sometimes just enlisting the help of your mother or your future mother-in-law to share the load is enough. That is your choice.
- Time to find vendors
- Catering: You can go buffet or plated or potluck style (no caterer), or you can go with unconventional like a food truck or pizza or subway sandwiches. You could do finger foods or breakfast or whatever you want! Sometimes venues require you use their chef/food services, which is sometimes included in the cost of the venue. Sometimes venues require you to only use a caterer off their list. Sometimes they won't let you bring in outside food. In the next blog, there will be a list of questions to ask each of your vendors before making a decision on who you want.
- Photographer or Videographer or Both! Video is awesome, but more expensive. Photos are a must! This could be a family friend with a nice camera but I recommend a professional. They can edit the photos and take some gorgeous shots that amateurs or friends wouldn't think of.
- Officiant - Religious or casual ceremony? You can hire someone (about $500) or you can enlist a friend or family member to get ordained online! That is the route I went. It was so personal and funny, and I loved it. He did almost didn't show up though, so that is something to keep in mind.
- Start thinking about your honeymoon. You can contact a travel agent or research some popular honeymoon destinations.
- This can be cliche as well! You don't have to do this right after the wedding, you can wait til your one year anniversary, or even a week after. I recommend at least a few days between the wedding and the honeymoon, however, because there will be a little bit of post wedding stress and you want some time to decompress before packing up your life and getting on a plane. Post wedding is a good time to get some lunch with family from out of town, going through your gifts, depositing money in the bank, and sleeping in!
- Getting into Wedding Shape
- Start thinking about whether you want to "get in shape" for your wedding. Most people want to look their best on their wedding day. I recommend starting small sooner than later. This can be as simple as starting to cut out soda and reducing the number of days per week you drink or beginning to get into the gym a few days per week. As the date gets closer, it may be time to start ramping it up, contacting a dietician, or purchasing some personal training.
6–9 Months To Go…
- Continue researching, interviewing and booking vendors. Once you arrange a vendor, be sure to get your contract in writing with a copy. I recommend creating a folder to keep all your documents.
- Speak with a Florist about floral arrangements and back up boutonnière for your groom (there will be lots of hugging, which damages the boutonnière).
- I went with a family friend and allowed her full creative freedom. Keep in mind when flowers are in season for the time of your wedding. Sunflowers are gorgeous (what I used) but they are going to be extra expensive in the winter when they are not in season. My sister decided to skip flowers altogether and make them herself
- I went with a family friend and allowed her full creative freedom. Keep in mind when flowers are in season for the time of your wedding. Sunflowers are gorgeous (what I used) but they are going to be extra expensive in the winter when they are not in season. My sister decided to skip flowers altogether and make them herself
- Begin Cake tasting!
- I had a friend create my cake for me so I don't have as much information to provide for you, but be sure it is exactly what you want. My cake toppers were more important than the cake to me because I was not sharing my cake with others. My husband is allergic to dairy and eggs, so we were limited on who would create a cake that would fit his needs. I chose untraditional cake toppers, mini kettle bells! (We met in the gym and that is our main hobby.)
- Hire the DJ or band your ceremony, cocktail hour and reception.
- My venue required to choose from their list of DJs and the one I chose was the only one to get back to me! He ended up being my favorite vendor and made my entire wedding gorgeous.
- Start planning the wedding invitations
- Create them yourself online or meet with a stationerCreate your gift registry (and don't forget to update your wedding website!).
- Create your gift registry and keep your wedding website updated (if you have one).
- I chose Zola.com, which is an all purpose website where there are cash fund options. We already had all the kitchen gadgets we needed. We really needed some assistance in cash in order to get our own place. Another unconventional registry is REI, if you like outdoorsy stuff like we do. Ultimately, create a inventory of the things you want, need, and already have.
- Arrange hotels for out of town guests and a hotel for the night of the wedding.
- We chose to have an after party at a friends house and stay there together rather than going to a hotel room. We are very social people and wanted to continue the celebration after the wedding.
- Shop for bridesmaid/flower girl dresses and inform the bridesmaids and those responsible for the flower girls how to get their dress
- I chose to allow my bridesmaids to pick their own dresses, with similar styles and colors. So we all met at David's Bridal one day and had them try a bunch of dresses on and pick something they felt comfortable in. The mix-match looked put together and the ladies felt confident and sexy in their dresses. They also raved about how they could wear them again (where most bridesmaids dresses they can't). The dress was also only $100 so they didn't have to break their bank. Like I said, and I will reiterate this over and over, this is your wedding and it is the decision you want. I was more of a laid back bride about some of the details however.
- Go over bridal shower/bachelorette details and the guest list with the person(s) hosting your party.
- Make sure someone is on top of this and they have the proper dates that you are available. Other than that, have fun with it!